I was kind of wondering why Canadians should be subjected to this ailment, this form of punishment. What did we ever do to deserve this? After all, it was only relatively recently, during the Second World War, that Canada even had formal relations with Mexico. We were on the same side, and the winning side too. We both signed the agreement known as NAFTA. We trade, peacefully, together and are like buddies in the big toilet bowl of International Politics. So why should we be singled out? Well, the answer, of course, is that we aren’t and a little research reveals that this ailment is also not a phenomenon known only in Mexico.
Montezuma’s Revenge is also known as Traveller’s Diarrhea. The term Montezuma’s Revenge was first used perhaps around 1959 when some likely bored American journalist had a moment of brilliance and penned it. I’ve always liked it – the name that is. You don’t have to travel very far to be affected by this ailment though. If you are still in your own country then you can get Wilderness Diarrhea also known as Backcountry Diarrhea. That sounds appropriate.
Those of you who are well travelled might know it as Aztec Two Step, The Gringo Gallup, Pharaoh’s Revenge, Mummy’s Tummy, Cairo Two Step, Bombay Belly, Delhi Belly, Karachi Crouch, Katmandu Quickstep, The Rangoon Runs, Thai-dal Wave and in Canada as Beaver Fever. (I always thought Beaver Fever was something else.) You know though, this being such a crappy subject, let’s just try to get over it as quick as we can. I think it is even having a stinking effect on my writing which normally as you know flows with such a fine narcissistictic bent to it I gotta remember that one for Scrabble. Oh oh, I can feel the run-ons.
Maybe it’s time to freshen things up a little. With so many words to describe this subject, and because I am, by nature, drawn to disorder, we will defer to the master of words, the Old Bard himself, William Shakespeare. In his ever effervescent manner he answers, for us, the age old question, “What’s in a name?” In Romeo and Juliet, he has Juliet utter perhaps her second most well known phrase “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t talking about what my nephew likes to call a “Dutch Oven”. After all, there would be no need to ask, “O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?” Now, that would be a good place for any normal person to end this diatribe so why don’t we just carry on.
In 1975 Ronnie Milsap released an album called A Rose by Any Other Name. Included in the album is Roy Orbison’s song “Crying”. Keep that in mind for background music if, like a bolt from the blue, the spirit of Montezuma ever pays you a visit. And you may also want to have a cool, damp towel around either for wiping away the sweat or clenched, ever so undelicately, between the teeth.
When we consider ‘Rose’ and ‘Music’ we naturally think of Bette Midler, don’t we? She was born in Honolulu, Hawaii and, as I’m sure we readily realize, Honolulu is on exactly the same latitude as Puerto Vallarta. Also known as ‘The Divine Miss M’ she starred in the film The Rose, based loosely on the life of Janis Joplin.
Joplin was known as ‘The Queen of Rock and Roll’ as well as ‘The Queen of Psychedelic Soul’. At the age of 23 she joined the band known as Big Bother and the Holding Company. (Why does that name remind me of a latrine?) She was closely related to The Grateful Dead as well as many other famous musicians. One of my favourite of her songs is Mercedes Benz which she recorded on October 1, 1970 along with a birthday greeting for John Lennon. Mercedes Benz was recorded a cappella and there was only one take ever recorded. There may have been plans for the band to join in another recording but there wasn’t enough time. Janis, sadly, would be dead three days later, even before her taped birthday greeting would arrive at Lennon’s home.
If you are feeling symptoms of Traveller’s Diarrhea then, for heaven’s sake, don’t look at me. This ain’t no get well quick piece. Go see a doctor, they’ll understand. No matter where you are in the world some concepts simply transcend the normal barriers of communication. Actually, I suggest that you see your doctor before you take your vacation. He may give you something to carry with you just in case. And, always remember what the Good Book says, “Vengeance is mine.....For the day of their calamity is at hand and the things that are to come upon them shall make haste”.
Salud!
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